My mom and I get into the theater and it is surprisingly full. Not that that is a bad thing, it's just in my whole movie going life, I have only seen a handful of full movies. As we sat down, I took stock of the spaces around us. My mom had the aisle and I was next to her. Next to me there were two seats and behind us there were two seats. Those two behind us went to a younger couple; so I realized that there were only those two next to me and that was it. Then about 5 minutes into the movie Father Time and his bag of bones wife stroll in. I could see them waiting for a moment of light to look around and then like lighthouse in a storm they spot those two seats. In the blink of an eye they were there. SHIT!
Well, they sat down with Mr. Wrinkles sitting next to me, and this was the start of me resisting the urge to hit him in the face. The man was one of those skinny old guys but breathed like a 900 man being wheeled in on a forklift. Then he ate so ungodly loud. My favorite part was on deck though: play by play.
Since True Grit was originally made in 1969, this guy thought that it was going to be a straight remake. Nope, guess again old man. This version is a "re-imagining" if you will. It is supposed to be based more on the book than the original (Note: as of this post I have not seen the original 1969 version or read its source novel). Every time some scene that looked vaguely, VAGUELY familiar to this old bastard he would do a play by play of it for his wife while forgetting to dial down his voice. If that was not annoying enough, he was wrong every single time. Let me say that again. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. My personal favorite was near the end when the Maddie character falls down the hole and sees that dead body. She notices that it has a knife on it. As she tries to get it she notices some snakes. The movie theater narrator (the old bastard next to me) says and I quote "Oh, watch this. There is going to be one snake that jumps out at her." Not only was there not one snake, more like 12; it didn't jump out at anyone. They just sort of fell out of the body.
As we left the movie theater I wanted to get a good look at this bastard. Just then I got the urge to punch him in his gizzardy neck. But I swallowed my hate knowing that I would never see him again. The moral of this story is that you should KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AT THE MOVIES! Except if its the previews because who cares about that shit? And much like babies and children, the elderly are very annoying.
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