What's That Smell? Part Two: Not As Smelly, But Still!

So to continue with the tale of "What's That Smell?", I'm going to do something different.  Since nothing of real interest happened on the way back from San Francisco to Los Angeles to Minneapolis to Grand Forks; I'm going to fast forward to my most recent (as of me writing this July 2010) air travels. This trip went from San Francisco to Chicago to Fargo. Not as exciting as the first tale, but still it's my blog thing so deal with.
Alrighty, so I start by going riding the B.A.R.T. to the airport by myself, which was kinda nerve wracking just because I felt I was cutting things close with time and I was also afraid I might have gotten on the wrong train. Obviously that didn't happen (duh). I get to the airport and ride the air train thing with no idea where my terminal is, because on the air train all it says that Terminal 1 is for international flights, Terminal 2 is under construction, and Terminal 3 was for domestic flights. Guess which one I chose. If you guessed Terminal 3, you're right and you're also a dumb ass like me. Terminal 3 was not the correct answer, so I went to ask some random employee at the airport where I could find the American Airlines terminal(s); she points in some arbitrary direction. Awesome. Just what you need when you're strapped for time. Lucky for me some guy at Delta was nice enough to tell me that I had to go to Terminal 1 and it was only like a 2 minute walk.
Finally I get into the American Airlines terminal and what do I see? A line. A big ass line. While I was waiting to get checked in I notice that the ladies working at the counter were older, about middle aged and they were smaller. This meant that they were not strong enough to properly pick up and set down the luggage so what do they do? They just chuck that shit on there as hard as they can, almost in a competitive manner. Then laugh about in front of the people who gave them the bags. Also I notice/overheard a conversation between an airlines lady and some chick who acted like her shit didn't stink. It was to the extent of the airlines lady ruining this woman's day by telling her that she can't board the plane because it was going to take off in about 3 minutes. That's right this lady got mad at the airlines lady because she was just now checking in 3 minutes before the plane, you know, flies away.
After the fun of checking in, I get to go through security. These people were total DICKS! They were belittling every person who came through there, including me. The best was a guy who went through the metal detector and sets it off. He then takes off all of the metal stuff and puts it in a little bucket and tries to walk through the metal detector AGAIN, with the METAL. Some peoples kids. Plus there were quite a few random people cutting through the line. There were two really ugly sticks with big nasty fake boobs who thought that because they were showing up fashionably late for their flight, they could cut to the head of the line. Then there was a mom with what seemed like an army of small annoying children who cut in front of everyone. And my personal favorite, A family whose daughter forgot her passport and had her friend scan it in and email it to her so they could show security and guess what. IT WORKED! Once I pass through this hell hole, I race down to find my gate and discover that I didn't have an actual seat yet and that they had been calling my name for like 30 minutes. Just before I board the flight I realize that I am hungry in the wrong place. I bought 1 sandwich and 1 small bottle of water for $11. And that sandwich sucked balls!
Finally I'm on the plane and my seat is in the very last row in by the window in front of the bathrooms. Yey. This flight didn't suck that bad, I mean I watched Predator on my Mac, which attracted a lot of viewing by guys who were waiting for the bathroom. Plus there were about 3 screaming babies around me and the girl who was next to me slept pretty much the whole way and would wake up to yawn and would fill the air with stink ass breath, other than that it was okay. We land and it takes what seems like 3.5 hours to get off the plane. It seemed like people were just standing around chatting instead of getting off the plane. Once I managed to actually get off of the plane, I had to rush to find a bathroom or I was going to pee all over the place. As I was racing through the airport, I ran into the guy who took my spot as one of the guitar instructors at my old job. Small world. Even smaller was that he was on the same flight to Fargo as me.

So before the last leg of this journey began, I had to go to the bathroom (again!) and while I was in the bathroom right next to my gate, the power hungry turd at the gate had apparently been calling my name a lot in the 3 minutes that I was in there. I go up to the counter and he asks me if I'm some name that doesn't sound like mine. He then deduces that I am the same person whose name he was calling. Then he tells me "Where were you? I've been calling your name for 10 minutes?! I was about to give your seat away." No joke. Well I get on the plane and I am greeted by a woman who looked like Olivia Munn, if she gained about 15 pounds, and was Russian, and was a bitch. Oh and I am also greeted by the stink of ass on the plane (There's the tie in to the first one!!!).
I'm totally sure that I will have more crazy flight stories, I mean I'm due to fly back to San Francisco from my mom's house in a week or so (again as of this writing). Plus I plan on coming home to visit twice a year and who knows how much I'll have to as real adult, versus the one that I am now!

What's That Smell? Part One

Flying is something that I haven't done much of in my life. The most I flew was when I was a child, when my family would move from air base to air base, and this only happened a few times at most. So when I was able to attend the NAMM show in January of 2009, it marked the first time that I was going to be flying in like 15 years or so. I didn't remember much about it from when I was a kid, except for the fact that when the plane was taking off it felt as though I was going to fall out of my seat. So I thought that it would be interesting how different of an experience it would be as an adult. Well, here is that tale.
So the first flight was from Grand Forks to Minneapolis and the flight left at something like 5 A.M. and it was 456 degrees below zero when I left. I said goodbye to Mandi, as my boss Matt and I went through the fantastic security.  After that I was sitting in the terminal waiting to board the plane and trying not to fall asleep even though I was nervous as to how the flight would be, I then remembered something; I forgot my god damn sunglasses. This was a big deal because when I was in high school I had scratched my Corneas by sleeping with my contacts in and as a result I have become somewhat light sensitive, even to the point that I have to wear them outside on overcast days. But anyways, this was just what I needed to start this epic god damn journey off.
Eventually we make it into this state of the art vehicle, and I was let down by its size. Eventually the plane starts moving and then we take off. I closed my eyes and thought I was going to feel the same thing I felt as a kid, but to my surprise nope. Nothing. So far so good. Then we get to Minneapolis and eventually board the flight to Los Angeles, this is a whole other ball of wax. It seemed like a ton of people were on the flight and I assumed that I was gonna be squished in. Well, it couldn't have started out better.
I'm sitting in the second row right by a bathroom AND there is no one sitting between me and the other guy. The plane took off and again no problems, I was thinking that this was gonna be an okay experience; I'd just sit back listen to my Zune and play some Mario on DS. Well, that's how like 3 hours of the flight went. Then all of a sudden it smelt like someone took the nastiest shit in the long smelly history of smelly shits, and this is were sitting right by the bathroom started to backfire on me.
I plugged my nose, but it was no use. This abomination was weaving through the fibers in my sweatshirt and going right for my nose. Next thing I know, one of the bathrooms is closed and a line is forming for the open one. I'm sitting there trying not to pass out form the deadly gas on the plane, when I happen to look up and see this guy who is looking around and he just happens to look at me. Who was this mysterious stranger you might ask yourself? Two words: Shia. Labeouf. That's right Shia Labeouf was not only on this flight but he was standing in line to use the head because of some selfish asshole (I later confirmed this with Matt, to make sure he saw the same guy and we both agreed that it was him).
After Shiagate, the next horrible event happened. That empty space in the middle was filled up. The guy sits down obviously bummed that he had to be moved to ground zero. He then tells us something interesting. There was no shitter on the plane, instead what it was, was that an old lady had thrown up all over the place. By all over the place I mean; herself, the chair, the chair in front of her, then the floor, and finally she ANNIHILATED the bathroom. Upon hearing this I noticed that they kept opening the door a bit to check on her and I saw that it was all over the walls. Gross. Even worse, they didn't clean it up on the floor; they just threw a towel on the ground.


We land in Los Angeles and it is 80 degrees and smells like vomit.

To be continued...