Flying is something that I haven't done much of in my life. The most I flew was when I was a child, when my family would move from air base to air base, and this only happened a few times at most. So when I was able to attend the NAMM show in January of 2009, it marked the first time that I was going to be flying in like 15 years or so. I didn't remember much about it from when I was a kid, except for the fact that when the plane was taking off it felt as though I was going to fall out of my seat. So I thought that it would be interesting how different of an experience it would be as an adult. Well, here is that tale.
So the first flight was from Grand Forks to Minneapolis and the flight left at something like 5 A.M. and it was 456 degrees below zero when I left. I said goodbye to Mandi, as my boss Matt and I went through the fantastic security. After that I was sitting in the terminal waiting to board the plane and trying not to fall asleep even though I was nervous as to how the flight would be, I then remembered something; I forgot my god damn sunglasses. This was a big deal because when I was in high school I had scratched my Corneas by sleeping with my contacts in and as a result I have become somewhat light sensitive, even to the point that I have to wear them outside on overcast days. But anyways, this was just what I needed to start this epic god damn journey off.
Eventually we make it into this state of the art vehicle, and I was let down by its size. Eventually the plane starts moving and then we take off. I closed my eyes and thought I was going to feel the same thing I felt as a kid, but to my surprise nope. Nothing. So far so good. Then we get to Minneapolis and eventually board the flight to Los Angeles, this is a whole other ball of wax. It seemed like a ton of people were on the flight and I assumed that I was gonna be squished in. Well, it couldn't have started out better.
I'm sitting in the second row right by a bathroom AND there is no one sitting between me and the other guy. The plane took off and again no problems, I was thinking that this was gonna be an okay experience; I'd just sit back listen to my Zune and play some Mario on DS. Well, that's how like 3 hours of the flight went. Then all of a sudden it smelt like someone took the nastiest shit in the long smelly history of smelly shits, and this is were sitting right by the bathroom started to backfire on me.
I plugged my nose, but it was no use. This abomination was weaving through the fibers in my sweatshirt and going right for my nose. Next thing I know, one of the bathrooms is closed and a line is forming for the open one. I'm sitting there trying not to pass out form the deadly gas on the plane, when I happen to look up and see this guy who is looking around and he just happens to look at me. Who was this mysterious stranger you might ask yourself? Two words: Shia. Labeouf. That's right Shia Labeouf was not only on this flight but he was standing in line to use the head because of some selfish asshole (I later confirmed this with Matt, to make sure he saw the same guy and we both agreed that it was him).
After Shiagate, the next horrible event happened. That empty space in the middle was filled up. The guy sits down obviously bummed that he had to be moved to ground zero. He then tells us something interesting. There was no shitter on the plane, instead what it was, was that an old lady had thrown up all over the place. By all over the place I mean; herself, the chair, the chair in front of her, then the floor, and finally she ANNIHILATED the bathroom. Upon hearing this I noticed that they kept opening the door a bit to check on her and I saw that it was all over the walls. Gross. Even worse, they didn't clean it up on the floor; they just threw a towel on the ground.
We land in Los Angeles and it is 80 degrees and smells like vomit.
To be continued...
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