Second Hand News (Like the Song)

Well, nothing super new to talk about here, so I'm gonna do a short run down of my favorite awkward embarrassing stories. Stories that didn't happen to me though. These are second hand stories from the people who saw them, apart of it somehow, or they happened to them.

1) A buddy of mine in a class told me this when we were riding our bikes home from said class. I told him how I hate when dick SF drivers nearly hit you on the road (if you ride your bike on the sidewalk and the cops see you, it's a $170 ticket!). He says "...don't give them the finger. People are used to that, give them the thumbs down. I gave a guy the thumbs down once, he rolled down his window and yelled "DID YOU JUST FUCKING GIVE ME THE THUMBS DOWN?!?!?!" So give people the thumbs down.

2) In a drawing class I had, the teacher was doing a demo and all of a sudden a friend of mine starts laughing out loud. After the demo I ask her why she was laughing. She told me she forgot for a second where she was because she got a text from her mom telling her about a cousin of hers. She then relayed the story to me as follows, "...my mom texted me to say that my cousin had to have surgery because he somehow sliced his nut sack open riding his bike. Somehow his shorts got snagged in the chain and it tore his nut sack open. And his mom posted it all over Facebook. This isn't the first time this happened either. A few years ago he was sitting on a lawn chair, somehow one of his balls fell between the rubber bands of the chair. My other cousins picked up the chair with him on it and threw it in the pool. After a while he didn't come up and they realized he was stuck. They then had to dive into the pool and grab the whole chair with him on it and give some super scissors to cut the rubber to free him."

3) In high school my friend Ray went to some stupid party. He came out to his car and said he saw a bag hanging from his rear view mirror. He slowly got in and saw the bag, within seconds a smell was filling his nostrils; he touched the bag and it hit him. It was shit. Not just any shit, it was people shit. He never knew who did it. A few years later, another friend asked me if I had heard about that incident. I said yes, then he asked if I knew who did it. I said no, and he proceeded to tell me who did it. I laughed my ass off and forgot about it. A few months later I was hanging out with Ray and that story came up. He still never knew who did it. I said I knew who it was, I told him and he got super pissed reliving that event. He finally put faces (it was two entitled asses) to the feces. (zing!)

So yeah, there's some funny(ish) second hand stories. Until next time.