New Year, new entry in the fabled epic goddamn journey know as "What's That Smell?"
Here we go...
My journey started the day before the actual journey. I had to book a slot on the Super Shuttle for super fucking early the next morning, and also for the first time in my aviation life; checking in to a flight online. I was a bit nervous about checking in online, because I had never done it and the damn website was only giving me a boarding pass for one of my two flights. So far, off to an uncertain start. The Super Shuttle thing went down easy and I also got like %15 off, which amounted to like $3.
However that night things got interesting. I didn't sleep well, partly because I stayed up late and was afraid that I would oversleep and miss my shuttle/flight. Another thing was that I for some reason had an extremely upset stomach. Every two hours I would wake up feeling like I was going to give birth out of my ass. Good times so far. When I actually woke up and took a shower I thought that it would be a better start. However two things happened. 1) The Super Shuttle guy was like 20 minutes late and 2) I felt like I had to take a massive shit but couldn't because I didn't know when this fucking guy would grace me with his presence. So I had to hold that bitch in ALL DAY.
I'm glad that I did check in online since the Super Shuttle guy was late. We got there with less than an hour to go before boarding and the line to get through security was hella long. I boarded the flight, got settled in next to my window seat and busted out a book I had been wanting to read for a while (Predator: Concrete Jungle; awesomeness). I ended up reading over 2/3's of it on the flight, but kept getting distracted because some ass hat was listening to one of the TED Talks from Sir Ken Robinson and laughing hysterically. Side note to this story....TED Talks are overrated, Ken Robinson is not funny, I don't know what Ken Robinson does for a living but he apparently thinks he is a god damn comedian. Seriously, every time I have heard/seen him speak, he seems to consciously script in laughter breaks. What a tool box. ANYWAYS...so this ass hat is laughing his stupid head off and I can hear him over me listening to Tommy by The Who.
Well, that flight lands and I have to run to the exact opposite end of the airport as usual. I find my terminal and chill out for a bit. Then about 20 minutes later we board and boy was I in for a doozy. Now if anyone has read any of the previous installments of What's That Smell?, you will have deduced that I am from Grand Forks; which is where I was headed. Grand Forks is home to the University of North Dakota. Among other things, UND has a world class aviation program and about 2.3 million fucking aviation nerds with it. About 100 of them ended up being on my flight. The whole way, and by the whole way, I mean the whole way; I had to listen to these losers backseat drive and criticize the pilot for the whole god damn flight. And on top of that, (here it comes) the plane had a weird smell (boom!). Why was that? Because a fucking crying baby (who also cried the whole way) was nice enough to take a shit, before take off. By the smell of it, he probably ate another baby's shit.
Well, that's that. Flying home in less than a week. More smelliness to follow!
Showing posts with label super shuttle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label super shuttle. Show all posts
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
What's That Smell Part Six: Who Shit in the Air Vents?
Well, here goes the first entry of the new year and the sixth incredible chapter of this god damn epic piece known as What's That Smell? So sit back and read the smells!
This seasons journey started at about 4:30 in the god damn morning, as I waited outside for the Super Shuttle to arrive. I got the call and he didn't show for like 10 minutes. When he finally showed up, the whole van was packed and this driver was just chucking suitcases in the back left and right with no regard for anything. Fast forward a few hours or so and I'm on the plane to Minneapolis. And the dude next to me was farting pretty much the whole time. The kinda where you can tell you gotta a turd on deck. Yep bad. To top it off, he was also trying to bogart my space. BASTARD.
I then arrive in Minneapolis, which is one of my favorite airports; although there was one thing that was different this time. The entire place smelled like shit. Not metaphorically. More like someone took a duke in the air vents. It was everywhere. Mmm mmm.
Nothing magical really happened on the way from Minneapolis to Grand Forks, so I'll skip that part. My actual trip was good though and I can't wait to go back in the summer. So lets fast forward 2 weeks to me flying back.
I'm sitting in the new Grand Forks airport, which is much better than the old one for sure, and as I'm waiting for my flight to board the flight in the next terminal is about to board and the announcer guy is being super sarcastic and hilarious. Here is a taste of what he said:
*"Okay, we're going to board our 1st class and priority customers first, if you are unsure if you fit into that category, chances are you don't."
*"We're going to be boarding in a specific numerical order, so don't bother crowding around, you're not getting on early."
*"...if you look on your ticket and see a Z you can board, and if you're from Canada that's a ZAY..."
Good stuff.
So Grand Forks to Minneapolis wasn't bad, the flight attendant had a bit of a retarded Moon Bloodgood look going on, but that was about it. That and the fact that the ginormous lady next to me kept hitting me with her arm as I read Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban (yeah I'm like 10 years behind, so what?).
Minneapolis to San Francisco was fairly pedestrian compared to past tales. There was the couple who sat next to me that kept having the urge to feel each other up, which was uh...weird to say the least. This was also the first time that I had been on a flight to where I had people from behind me rush the front of the plane so they could get off first, even though I was in the 4th row...of the second section of coach (which was right by the exit, which was why I was a bit miffed).
The journey from the airport was exciting as well. First the BART doors on the train were locked for about 10 minutes, while people were in the train (LAME!). I finally got to the Powell stop and saw Mandi waiting for me (that was super awesome!). Then as we were walking to the bus stop we passed a "homeless" guy who let me know I was officially back in San Francisco by saying this to me: "Hey man, can you buy me a hooker? It's too hard to masturbate when you can't feel your fingers!"
Well that's this seasons incredible (?) installment of What's That Smell?. While I was home I was brainstorming some ideas about future entries, hopefully they don't suck.
Peace out who ever reads this.
This seasons journey started at about 4:30 in the god damn morning, as I waited outside for the Super Shuttle to arrive. I got the call and he didn't show for like 10 minutes. When he finally showed up, the whole van was packed and this driver was just chucking suitcases in the back left and right with no regard for anything. Fast forward a few hours or so and I'm on the plane to Minneapolis. And the dude next to me was farting pretty much the whole time. The kinda where you can tell you gotta a turd on deck. Yep bad. To top it off, he was also trying to bogart my space. BASTARD.
I then arrive in Minneapolis, which is one of my favorite airports; although there was one thing that was different this time. The entire place smelled like shit. Not metaphorically. More like someone took a duke in the air vents. It was everywhere. Mmm mmm.
Nothing magical really happened on the way from Minneapolis to Grand Forks, so I'll skip that part. My actual trip was good though and I can't wait to go back in the summer. So lets fast forward 2 weeks to me flying back.
I'm sitting in the new Grand Forks airport, which is much better than the old one for sure, and as I'm waiting for my flight to board the flight in the next terminal is about to board and the announcer guy is being super sarcastic and hilarious. Here is a taste of what he said:
*"Okay, we're going to board our 1st class and priority customers first, if you are unsure if you fit into that category, chances are you don't."
*"We're going to be boarding in a specific numerical order, so don't bother crowding around, you're not getting on early."
*"...if you look on your ticket and see a Z you can board, and if you're from Canada that's a ZAY..."
Good stuff.
So Grand Forks to Minneapolis wasn't bad, the flight attendant had a bit of a retarded Moon Bloodgood look going on, but that was about it. That and the fact that the ginormous lady next to me kept hitting me with her arm as I read Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban (yeah I'm like 10 years behind, so what?).
Minneapolis to San Francisco was fairly pedestrian compared to past tales. There was the couple who sat next to me that kept having the urge to feel each other up, which was uh...weird to say the least. This was also the first time that I had been on a flight to where I had people from behind me rush the front of the plane so they could get off first, even though I was in the 4th row...of the second section of coach (which was right by the exit, which was why I was a bit miffed).
The journey from the airport was exciting as well. First the BART doors on the train were locked for about 10 minutes, while people were in the train (LAME!). I finally got to the Powell stop and saw Mandi waiting for me (that was super awesome!). Then as we were walking to the bus stop we passed a "homeless" guy who let me know I was officially back in San Francisco by saying this to me: "Hey man, can you buy me a hooker? It's too hard to masturbate when you can't feel your fingers!"
Well that's this seasons incredible (?) installment of What's That Smell?. While I was home I was brainstorming some ideas about future entries, hopefully they don't suck.
Peace out who ever reads this.
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