Hey Murray!!!!

I'm sure like most guys out there, you use some sort of product in your hair. I've tried my fair share of stuff, just to see what I like or works best. Along the way I've encountered some pretty sweet products, but I've also encountered one of the worst/shittiest hair products ever:

MURRAY'S POMADE
(dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn)

Here was my thought process upon trying some of Murray's Pomade. The previous product I had purchased was through Walgreens and it was fucking awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome. So, I decided that I would go back and get some again. Guess what? They didn't have it. So I tried 3 other Walgreens with no luck. I then went to the one closest to my house and looked at their selection. Not much to choose from that didn't look super shitty. I then looked at the prices. Now this alone should have been a dead give away on the type of product I was about to purchase.

$1.99

Now the reasonable person in me thought: "Hey; its $1.99 and it has more in it than any other product. This is a deal!" Wrong.

The first time I used it, I knew I had made a costly $1.99 mistake. This shit is tacky (literally) as hell. After somehow getting it in my hair I washed my hands seriously, 10 times and they were still tacky. My hair looked like I had been in a wind tunnel. The next morning when I went to wash my hair, yikes. I washed it probably 2-3 times and I could still feel the grit in it.

So, after 2 days of using Murray's Pomade, I threw in the towel. Fuck this shit. It's terrible. Worst $1.99 I've spent in a long time.

Office Tales

A few weeks ago I wrapped up my summer job. I won't say where, although if you come to San Francisco there are multiple locations and it's a great way to get some exercise and see the city at the same time. So, what I gonna do is jot down a few of the funnier things that I heard/saw during the three months I worked there. So enjoy, or not.

In no particular order...

1. Two women came in and one of them pulls me aside to ask if Alcatraz was "real". I had no idea what she meant and neither did her friend. She was dead serious and apparently thought that Alcatraz was not really sitting out in the bay.

2. It was my turn to clean the bathroom. This Irish guy who worked there asked if he could go real fast. I said sure. Now in this bathroom there was the door and like a stall door, even though there was one toilet. I left and he shut the stall door leaving the bathroom door open. Then proceeded to take a massive shit and stink up the whole joint.

3. I was walking back from Walgreens on my break one day and I saw Jon Gruden. He is very short.

4. This French guy and girl came in to work. I gave them directions to the Golden Gate Bridge, but was distracted by the French girl's immense mustache. It was like watching a car accident. I couldn't look away.

5. This crackhead came into the store and was just walking around. One of the Supervisor guy's asks him what he is doing. Crackhead says nothing. Supervisor says to him: "Why don't you follow me, we're gonna take a look at something..." They walk out and then Supervisor turns around and walks back in. Crackhead stops and says: "...why...why you gotta treat me like I'm...I'm a turd. I'm not a turd. You're a god damn turd!"

6. A coworker friend of mine saw a hobo take a shit on the sidewalk. Corn hole, balls, shit and everything. Then he proceeded to wipe.

7. On my last day of work, one of the girls didn't show up. Turns out she crashed an electric bike into a metal gate and broke her god damn teeth. They strangely seemed to break symmetrically.

8. Lastly, this crazy ass guy was chasing someone down the street threatening him with a taser; for easily 20 minutes. My boss calls the cops and the crazy guy tries to jump on the bus to get away. Next thing you know 5, yes FIVE cop cars show up. They get the guy and then proceed to play with the taser for another 15 minutes.

What's That Smell Part Six: Who Shit in the Air Vents?

Well, here goes the first entry of the new year and the sixth incredible chapter of this god damn epic piece known as What's That Smell? So sit back and read the smells!

This seasons journey started at about 4:30 in the god damn morning, as I waited outside for the Super Shuttle to arrive. I got the call and he didn't show for like 10 minutes. When he finally showed up, the whole van was packed and this driver was just chucking suitcases in the back left and right with no regard for anything. Fast forward a few hours or so and I'm on the plane to Minneapolis. And the dude next to me was farting pretty much the whole time. The kinda where you can tell you gotta a turd on deck. Yep bad. To top it off, he was also trying to bogart my space. BASTARD.
I then arrive in Minneapolis, which is one of my favorite airports; although there was one thing that was different this time. The entire place smelled like shit. Not metaphorically. More like someone took a duke in the air vents. It was everywhere. Mmm mmm.
Nothing magical really happened on the way from Minneapolis to Grand Forks, so I'll skip that part. My actual trip was good though and I can't wait to go back in the summer. So lets fast forward 2 weeks to me flying back.
I'm sitting in the new Grand Forks airport, which is much better than the old one for sure, and as I'm waiting for my flight to board the flight in the next terminal is about to board and the announcer guy is being super sarcastic and hilarious. Here is a taste of what he said:

 *"Okay, we're going to board our 1st class and priority customers first, if you are unsure if you fit into that category, chances are you don't."

*"We're going to be boarding in a specific numerical order, so don't bother crowding around, you're not getting on early."

*"...if you look on your ticket and see a Z you can board, and if you're from Canada that's a ZAY..."

Good stuff.

So Grand Forks to Minneapolis wasn't bad, the flight attendant had a bit of a retarded Moon Bloodgood look going on, but that was about it. That and the fact that the ginormous lady next to me kept hitting me with her arm as I read Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban (yeah I'm like 10 years behind, so what?).
Minneapolis to San Francisco was fairly pedestrian compared to past tales. There was the couple who sat next to me that kept having the urge to feel each other up, which was uh...weird to say the least. This was also the first time that I had been on a flight to where I had people from behind me rush the front of the plane so they could get off first, even though I was in the 4th row...of the second section of coach (which was right by the exit, which was why I was a bit miffed).
The journey from the airport was exciting as well. First the BART doors on the train were locked for about 10 minutes, while people were in the train (LAME!). I finally got to the Powell stop and saw Mandi waiting for me (that was super awesome!). Then as we were walking to the bus stop we passed a "homeless" guy who let me know I was officially back in San Francisco by saying this to me: "Hey man, can you buy me a hooker? It's too hard to masturbate when you can't feel your fingers!"

Well that's this seasons incredible (?) installment of What's That Smell?. While I was home I was brainstorming some ideas about future entries, hopefully they don't suck.

Peace out who ever reads this.