Office Tales

A few weeks ago I wrapped up my summer job. I won't say where, although if you come to San Francisco there are multiple locations and it's a great way to get some exercise and see the city at the same time. So, what I gonna do is jot down a few of the funnier things that I heard/saw during the three months I worked there. So enjoy, or not.

In no particular order...

1. Two women came in and one of them pulls me aside to ask if Alcatraz was "real". I had no idea what she meant and neither did her friend. She was dead serious and apparently thought that Alcatraz was not really sitting out in the bay.

2. It was my turn to clean the bathroom. This Irish guy who worked there asked if he could go real fast. I said sure. Now in this bathroom there was the door and like a stall door, even though there was one toilet. I left and he shut the stall door leaving the bathroom door open. Then proceeded to take a massive shit and stink up the whole joint.

3. I was walking back from Walgreens on my break one day and I saw Jon Gruden. He is very short.

4. This French guy and girl came in to work. I gave them directions to the Golden Gate Bridge, but was distracted by the French girl's immense mustache. It was like watching a car accident. I couldn't look away.

5. This crackhead came into the store and was just walking around. One of the Supervisor guy's asks him what he is doing. Crackhead says nothing. Supervisor says to him: "Why don't you follow me, we're gonna take a look at something..." They walk out and then Supervisor turns around and walks back in. Crackhead stops and says: "...why...why you gotta treat me like I'm...I'm a turd. I'm not a turd. You're a god damn turd!"

6. A coworker friend of mine saw a hobo take a shit on the sidewalk. Corn hole, balls, shit and everything. Then he proceeded to wipe.

7. On my last day of work, one of the girls didn't show up. Turns out she crashed an electric bike into a metal gate and broke her god damn teeth. They strangely seemed to break symmetrically.

8. Lastly, this crazy ass guy was chasing someone down the street threatening him with a taser; for easily 20 minutes. My boss calls the cops and the crazy guy tries to jump on the bus to get away. Next thing you know 5, yes FIVE cop cars show up. They get the guy and then proceed to play with the taser for another 15 minutes.