I say that in the nicest way possible, I mean for all I know he doesn't charge money to do the hibbidy dibbidy, but with the amount of terrible movies he does he sure fits the bill. To be fair though, before I labeled him a hooker, I checked all the definitions from Dictionary.com and guess what? Here is the #3 definition in the noun form: A person who willingly uses his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy way, usually for money. So there you go, Nicolas Cage is in fact a prostitute. What separates him from other actors and actresses you may ask? Well if you do some simple sleuthing on Google or any similar search engine, you can type in something like "Nicolas Cage broke" or something like that and you will be taken to links that have these stories about how much money he owes and all the redonkulous crap that he has spent his money on!
If you stop and think about it, honestly how many movies has he done that are actually any good? I would say Raising Arizona and The Rock (and that's really no thanks to him!). Also if you go back like 15 years ago, he won the Academy Award for Best Actor in Leaving Las Vegas. Then as the years go by he starts doing all kinds of terrible shitty movies; that if you were unfortunate enough to see, you just can't unsee. Now granted that every actor/actress does work that is below their normal output but c'mon. C'mon. Look at some of these steaming piles of rhino turds! Snake Eyes, The Wicker Man, Ghost Rider, Bangkok Dangerous, Knowing, Next, and Lord of War. I mean seriously why would anyone do these "films" if they weren't hard up for cash, like $40 million dollars worth of cash!
Speaking of $40 million, what kinda crap do you have to buy in order to blow that much money? Well here is a list of some of the stuff that he just had to have: 22 cars (which includes 9 Rolls Royce's), 1 dinosaur skull that cost $276,000, a castle in Germany, an island, plus like 6 loans in excess of $18 million! If you make like $40 million a year, why do you need to take out a loan, much less SIX!?
So because he never took any money management classes we as the general public are forced to put up with these shenanigans on a yearly basis. And for anyone who pays to see his movies aside from the previously mentioned passable ones a) shame on you, and b) you have essentially engaged in prostitution and should be fined or thrown in jail. These films look so bad (I say look because aside from The Rock and Raising Arizona and maybe 1 or 2 others I haven't seen any of his "films") I wouldn't even watch them on television for free.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
No Habla
Before I continue, I am going to reveal a personal fact about myself, here it goes: I only speak English. Okay in high school I took two years of German. Why? Because I'm an idiot that's why. Anyways, I have almost no clue what happens in any of these shows dialogue wise, but for me they are still interesting and entertaining to watch. The channel that I find myself watching the most out of the batch is a Spanish language station called Estrella TV. I don't know what people who actually speak the language think of this channel, but for me it's interesting to say the least. Usually I just watch, since again I only speak English, because I'll be playing guitar with my headphones on. But when I do listen to it, it's kinda cool. There's a Mexican Jerry Springer, a Mexican Hard Copy, and even a Mexican American Idol styled show.
But for me the show that takes the cake is a show called Aque No Puedes. I gather that it's like Family Feud, in that there are teams of people who are some how connected. Except that they do goofy ass skits and stunts, and sprinkle in some skanky looking dancers into. It seems to have comedic overtones to it but, I don't know what the deal with Spanish humor is, because it seems that all you have to do is say a few words than make a noise with your mouth and people go ape shit! This happens quite often on this show, but it's still interesting to watch regardless.
If you happen to have some time in your day that you really don't mind tossing away do yourself a favor and check this channel out. It definitely has the vibe that Mexico borrowed American shows and replaced everyone involved with super short pervy Mexican dudes and teamed them up with tall Mexican models. Again, very Twilight Zone!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Random Complaint
In the brief period of my existence, I have been fortunate enough to meet a few "famous" people. The first famous person that I met was one of my all time favorite musicians, Alex Skolnick. I was nervous for two reasons. 1) because I am such a big fan, and 2) I have always heard that you should never meet people that you admire because they will end up letting you down and they'll be jerks and blah, blah, blah. Fortunately enough for me the experience could not have gone better (and I got to meet him again a few months later, again cool!). Since then I have met a few other some what famous people, and the coolest (so far) would probably be comedian David Cross. I got to meet him and he signed my copy of his book, good times. Going back to that old adage about how you shouldn't meet your heroes and what not, I think that's a load of stinky shit. If you meet someone you look up to, it's usually in a public place and more than likely they will be cordial and polite, unless they are having the worst day they've had in a while. For me, I would say that the worst place to encounter "famous" people is in the digital sense.
When I was a kid I sent a letter to Jerry Rice, when he played for the 49ers; weeks turned to months and then sure enough I had completely forget that I sent that letter. Then one day POOF! A letter from the 49ers/Jerry Rice, like 2 years later. I had no concept about how busy or important his time was, but I was happy that I got a response. About a year after that, I inspected the contents a little more and what did I notice? The photo that they sent back with his autograph was one of those printouts. It pissed me off! Fast forward about ten years or so and snail mail has been replaced by email. Now what used to take weeks, months, or years can be replied to in minutes or at the latest days. It's not even just email, you have Facebook, Myspace, and whatever other things I have forgotten. But even with that, these people still take their sweet ass time to respond to an individual. I even read on a TV personalities website that he "...doesn't respond to all messages, but reads them all..." I see that and it seems like roundabout way of saying: "Hey! I attribute all my success to you people, but I don't want to interact with you!". Lame.
My mom is not the most tech-savvy person in the world but she knows how to check her email, and she does it at least once a day. Most of these people, being as busy as they are, own the most hi tech phones and gadgets; how can you not get/read/respond to a message that someone sends you? Now, I am by all accounts not nearly as "important" as some of the people, but if some one takes the time to email, message, or call me, I find the time to respond to them. Here is a brief example; in my first semester of Grad School, I had a project that I was working on in the style of designer David Carson. Carson is a big shoot/legend in the design world. My instructor suggested that I contact him and see what kind of suggestions he could lend me. My class was on Wednesday afternoons. I emailed him that night. Three weeks later, my project was due. Going on 8 months (as of me writing this) later, no reply. Does this mean that I don't look up to David Carson anymore? Nope. In fact my view of him hasn't changed really, except for the fact that he has CONTACT information on is personal website, which is apparently useless! This incident has not made me like him less, I just happen to be a little put off by it, that's all.
Some of these people go off about how much fans mean to them but they can't respond to them. If they are that important to you, you make time to respond to them. Otherwise you're just talking out of your ass and that's when you are in trouble. On the flip side of the coin, they are just people. People who are entitled to privacy, etc... BUT to the same token, they chose to be in the lime light and in a sense, this comes with the job.
When I was a kid I sent a letter to Jerry Rice, when he played for the 49ers; weeks turned to months and then sure enough I had completely forget that I sent that letter. Then one day POOF! A letter from the 49ers/Jerry Rice, like 2 years later. I had no concept about how busy or important his time was, but I was happy that I got a response. About a year after that, I inspected the contents a little more and what did I notice? The photo that they sent back with his autograph was one of those printouts. It pissed me off! Fast forward about ten years or so and snail mail has been replaced by email. Now what used to take weeks, months, or years can be replied to in minutes or at the latest days. It's not even just email, you have Facebook, Myspace, and whatever other things I have forgotten. But even with that, these people still take their sweet ass time to respond to an individual. I even read on a TV personalities website that he "...doesn't respond to all messages, but reads them all..." I see that and it seems like roundabout way of saying: "Hey! I attribute all my success to you people, but I don't want to interact with you!". Lame.
My mom is not the most tech-savvy person in the world but she knows how to check her email, and she does it at least once a day. Most of these people, being as busy as they are, own the most hi tech phones and gadgets; how can you not get/read/respond to a message that someone sends you? Now, I am by all accounts not nearly as "important" as some of the people, but if some one takes the time to email, message, or call me, I find the time to respond to them. Here is a brief example; in my first semester of Grad School, I had a project that I was working on in the style of designer David Carson. Carson is a big shoot/legend in the design world. My instructor suggested that I contact him and see what kind of suggestions he could lend me. My class was on Wednesday afternoons. I emailed him that night. Three weeks later, my project was due. Going on 8 months (as of me writing this) later, no reply. Does this mean that I don't look up to David Carson anymore? Nope. In fact my view of him hasn't changed really, except for the fact that he has CONTACT information on is personal website, which is apparently useless! This incident has not made me like him less, I just happen to be a little put off by it, that's all.
Some of these people go off about how much fans mean to them but they can't respond to them. If they are that important to you, you make time to respond to them. Otherwise you're just talking out of your ass and that's when you are in trouble. On the flip side of the coin, they are just people. People who are entitled to privacy, etc... BUT to the same token, they chose to be in the lime light and in a sense, this comes with the job.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Album Nobody Liked.
Okay first things first: the main flaws that people bitch about on this record 1)the drums sound like Lars is bashing on a metal trash can, & 2) no guitar solos. For starters the drums don't sound like metal trash cans, the snare drum does. That's it. It sounds like that because the actual snare is turned off and Lars' drumsticks are in fact metal. So that's that. Secondly, yes there are no rip roaring guitar solos per say BUT if anyone cared to actually watch the film that came out documenting among other things the making of this record, Some Kind of Monster, you would have picked up the bit of dialogue where Kirk says he is "...not interested in playing traditional guitar solos anymore...". So yes he is not tearing it up but he is playing some very subtle and tastefully done "lead" parts.
Now on to the actual songs. THEY ARE GOOD!. I repeat THEY ARE GOOD!. Metallica has in fact entered into a stage where their back catalogue is so popular that most casual fans are not interested in hearing newer material, which is sad for them. Of course there is nothing on here that resembles a "hit single" but then again there was nothing of the sort on their first four albums, but they are now regarded as classics. Also this is much different than anything they had done before. Yes they are longer and have familiar song structures as previous albums, but for the first time in about 15 years they had introduced "rifforama" into the songs. Also they experimented with a new tuning. For the most part the album is tuned drop D 1 whole step down. The riffs are just as heavy as anything that they had done in quite some time, and flow very well. The only downside are some of the lyrics. This is attributed to the fact that they were being written by the band collectively. Other than that the songs ARE GOOD!
I strongly feel that people did not give this album a fare shake because of a few reasons. 1) Some people just can't give something new and different a shot. 2) Most people were not actually listening to the album themselves. They heard it was bad, therefore they thought it was bad without listening to it personally. 3) Some people are just turds who love to shit on things because it's what they do. They are so jaded (for some reason) and can't like anything. They need to find fault in everything. In this case it was the drums, no solos, the tuning, the production, the artwork, etc... Nothing is good enough for them so they just find the need to hate on it without giving it a fare shake.
Now because Metallica listens to their fans and takes their opinions into consideration, all of the tunes that they played from this album have been dropped from their set list and are not likely to make a comeback. It's a shame because in Some Kind of Monster, we were able to see the time and energy that went into crafting these tunes, and because of a few vocal turd bombs these songs have been packed away, probably for good.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Play Ball Bitches!
Baseball, it's awesome. After football it's my favorite sport and recently I went to my second professional game again between my Minnesota Twins and the Oakland A's. The Twins lost and that was sad, they put up a fight but came up short but won the series 2 games to 1. Todays tale is again about the experience that we had along the way, so sit back and enjoy!
I should have known that it was going to be an interesting day because right off the bat (no pun intended, wait yes!) at the BART station I look up and see a quasi graffiti on the ceiling type thing and what does it say? "CHRIS MOFFETT IS A PHEDOPHILE", complete with a creepy smiley face. That set the tone for the day.
So about 35-45 minutes later, we get there and surprise surprise; The Coliseum is still a shit hole! But for about $35 each, Mandi and I were sitting in the second row (seats 3&4) just to the left of the Twins bullpen, banging seats if I do say so myself. So we're sitting there watching Carl Pavano and Kevin Slowey play catch about 10 yards from us (really cool), then all of a sudden a bunch of dumb ass kids start to flood the front row fence trying in vain to get the players attention by yelling "Hey #48!" or "Hey can I have the ball?". Surprisingly none of this works. Then the game starts and no one is in front of us or next to us which is awesome, then the afternoon took a strange turn.
First Oakland's skankiest mom and her two dumb ass kids show up and sit next to us, or should I say me cause I take the bullet for the team. They get like everything that one could imagine from pizza, to pop, to stuffed animals. Then in the top of the second the next wave of dip shits arrive. They are in the form of 2 dumb ass guys and their 2 equally retarded wives/girlfriends. One guy thinks that he is an expert in baseball but then will negate his expertise by saying something to the effect of "How do they cut the grass?" This is tolerable until our resident expert takes his shirt off for no reason and what do I see after he does this? His back has been waxed and it's growing back in. Yummy. Every time a foul ball is hit anywhere in our general vicinity he says something like "Dude, if he had just hit the ball at more of 5 degree angle, it would be right on top of us." Bravo. Meanwhile the whole time those two dumb ass kids keep getting up because they think that if they bother the ball boy enough he will give their ball to the Twins bullpen for them to sign it, and what would you know, they get shot down every time. So much that one of them is on the verge of tears (love it). And despite the fact that those little bastards keep interrupting our experience by walking in front of us, Mom of the Year does nor says anything to them about it, but finally notices that we are extremely annoyed and tells them to sit in some empty seats so that they can be crushed once again.
Fast forward to the bottom of the 7th inning. The geniuses in front of us have been talking to their friends who were sitting in a shitty section of the stadium all day, then sneak them into the front row with them. This is where it gets more interesting/annoying. There fat turd friend is now sitting where Mr. Backwax was sitting, Instantly, I hate him. Now this next part is where every annoying version of a fan on T.V. comes out of the screen and into real life. The fat turd heckles one of the Twins pitchers (Alex Burnett) relentlessly, and I know it's his right as a fan to be vocal but still; then another Twins pitcher named Jon Rauch walks by us but he says nothing to him. I think its because Rauch is like 7 feet tall and about 275 pounds. Anyways, then out of nowhere a security guard shows up and this more or less is their exhcange:
SG: How did you get those seats?
FT: I bought the tickets, I've been here the whole game.
SG: Really? Cause I know for a fact that you've been in that upper section all game.
FT: No man I got the tickets right here.
SG: I don't care.
(At this point he some how pulls the tickets out of his ass, when none of them had the tickets because Hairy back guy and his lady were supposed to sit next to us the whole time with their other two idiot friends sitting in the 1 and 2 seats.)
SG: Well, if I have to come back here again, I'm bringing my friends and there will be no discussion.
FT: You won't have to come back. I promise cross my heart, hope to die!
The security guard leaves and instantly the fat turd and his friends start laughing about the incident with a much more cocky tone. Then the fat turd's mutant woman says "Wow, and that was only mild heckling from him." and "See, next time I tell you to shut up, shut up."
Both sadly and thankfully the game is nearing the end. Super Skank and her bastard offspring decide to leave the game an inning early and AGGGGGGAIN cut in front of us to leave, but it was the last time so I let it slide. Then about 15 minutes later, the game ends and we leave and notice one last thing: we both have ridiculous sunburns.
So ends another season of the Twins coming out to Oakland to play the A's. They are 1-1 in the two games we have seen and next May,June, or July when they come back again; we'll be there to see them and all the freak ass people who are there!
I should have known that it was going to be an interesting day because right off the bat (no pun intended, wait yes!) at the BART station I look up and see a quasi graffiti on the ceiling type thing and what does it say? "CHRIS MOFFETT IS A PHEDOPHILE", complete with a creepy smiley face. That set the tone for the day.
So about 35-45 minutes later, we get there and surprise surprise; The Coliseum is still a shit hole! But for about $35 each, Mandi and I were sitting in the second row (seats 3&4) just to the left of the Twins bullpen, banging seats if I do say so myself. So we're sitting there watching Carl Pavano and Kevin Slowey play catch about 10 yards from us (really cool), then all of a sudden a bunch of dumb ass kids start to flood the front row fence trying in vain to get the players attention by yelling "Hey #48!" or "Hey can I have the ball?". Surprisingly none of this works. Then the game starts and no one is in front of us or next to us which is awesome, then the afternoon took a strange turn.
First Oakland's skankiest mom and her two dumb ass kids show up and sit next to us, or should I say me cause I take the bullet for the team. They get like everything that one could imagine from pizza, to pop, to stuffed animals. Then in the top of the second the next wave of dip shits arrive. They are in the form of 2 dumb ass guys and their 2 equally retarded wives/girlfriends. One guy thinks that he is an expert in baseball but then will negate his expertise by saying something to the effect of "How do they cut the grass?" This is tolerable until our resident expert takes his shirt off for no reason and what do I see after he does this? His back has been waxed and it's growing back in. Yummy. Every time a foul ball is hit anywhere in our general vicinity he says something like "Dude, if he had just hit the ball at more of 5 degree angle, it would be right on top of us." Bravo. Meanwhile the whole time those two dumb ass kids keep getting up because they think that if they bother the ball boy enough he will give their ball to the Twins bullpen for them to sign it, and what would you know, they get shot down every time. So much that one of them is on the verge of tears (love it). And despite the fact that those little bastards keep interrupting our experience by walking in front of us, Mom of the Year does nor says anything to them about it, but finally notices that we are extremely annoyed and tells them to sit in some empty seats so that they can be crushed once again.
Fast forward to the bottom of the 7th inning. The geniuses in front of us have been talking to their friends who were sitting in a shitty section of the stadium all day, then sneak them into the front row with them. This is where it gets more interesting/annoying. There fat turd friend is now sitting where Mr. Backwax was sitting, Instantly, I hate him. Now this next part is where every annoying version of a fan on T.V. comes out of the screen and into real life. The fat turd heckles one of the Twins pitchers (Alex Burnett) relentlessly, and I know it's his right as a fan to be vocal but still; then another Twins pitcher named Jon Rauch walks by us but he says nothing to him. I think its because Rauch is like 7 feet tall and about 275 pounds. Anyways, then out of nowhere a security guard shows up and this more or less is their exhcange:
SG: How did you get those seats?
FT: I bought the tickets, I've been here the whole game.
SG: Really? Cause I know for a fact that you've been in that upper section all game.
FT: No man I got the tickets right here.
SG: I don't care.
(At this point he some how pulls the tickets out of his ass, when none of them had the tickets because Hairy back guy and his lady were supposed to sit next to us the whole time with their other two idiot friends sitting in the 1 and 2 seats.)
SG: Well, if I have to come back here again, I'm bringing my friends and there will be no discussion.
FT: You won't have to come back. I promise cross my heart, hope to die!
The security guard leaves and instantly the fat turd and his friends start laughing about the incident with a much more cocky tone. Then the fat turd's mutant woman says "Wow, and that was only mild heckling from him." and "See, next time I tell you to shut up, shut up."
Both sadly and thankfully the game is nearing the end. Super Skank and her bastard offspring decide to leave the game an inning early and AGGGGGGAIN cut in front of us to leave, but it was the last time so I let it slide. Then about 15 minutes later, the game ends and we leave and notice one last thing: we both have ridiculous sunburns.
So ends another season of the Twins coming out to Oakland to play the A's. They are 1-1 in the two games we have seen and next May,June, or July when they come back again; we'll be there to see them and all the freak ass people who are there!
Friday, June 4, 2010
If I never hear this again, I'd be happy.
Brother. I don't have any. Never have, never will. I can't stress how dumb it sounds when I read or hear someone calling someone else their brother, when clearly they are not. This is no more evident than in metal/hard rock where guys love to call each other brother. What the crap? Seriously? We like the same bands and all of a sudden we're brothers? I don't think so. I wouldn't even call a friend that I have known for most of my life a brother, for one simple reason and it comes courtesy of Damon Wayans in Major Payne "I AM NOT, YOUR DAMN BROTHER!" So please, never refer to me as your brother. If I were your brother, we would have the same parent(s) and it would not sound so redonkulous.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Can I get Cheese on that?
Where: Kan Zaman Cafe, San Francisco
When: July 2009
So back in July of '09 several of us went down to Haight so that we could show a few friends around who just moved to the area. We got hungry and were looking for a place to eat. Some of the group wanted to eat at Cha Cha Cha's; but ultimately we ended up eating at Kan Zaman. From what I gathered, it was a Middle Eastern type of restaurant and had an interesting vibe to boot. Short ass tables that were super cramped, tons of beads, and Middle Eastern art on the walls. But it also came with dumb ass servers. I ordered something, can't remember what exactly. I remember that it was something cold and in my stupid mind I thought "Hey, this sounds good, it might be better with cheese!" Here is an almost verbatim transcript of what happened between me and the server:
Me: Hey I want to get (whatever I ordered), but I can I get that with cheese?
Server: Cheese?
Me: Yeah, just add cheese onto it.
Server: I don't even think that we have cheese.
Me: Well, if you don't it's okay...
Server: I'll check in the back.
Every answer the server gave me was complete with sass and bitchiness. So after awhile, we get our food and we're eating and it's okay. I notice that I don't have cheese on my thingy that I'm eating, but my friends fiance DOES. Her food came with cheese. So to sum up the events so far: 1. I asked for cheese 2. Server looks at me like I'm some sort of weirdo 3. I don't get cheese 4. My friends fiance gets cheese.
So when it comes time to pay the bill and tip, things become interesting. She sees that we are done for awhile but doesn't come over, then when she does makes a stink because we want to pay dutch and then proceeds to take her sweet ass time ringing us up despite the fact that she has a total of 1 table: us. So I give her virtually no tip and then leave, without getting my god damn cheese.
When: July 2009
So back in July of '09 several of us went down to Haight so that we could show a few friends around who just moved to the area. We got hungry and were looking for a place to eat. Some of the group wanted to eat at Cha Cha Cha's; but ultimately we ended up eating at Kan Zaman. From what I gathered, it was a Middle Eastern type of restaurant and had an interesting vibe to boot. Short ass tables that were super cramped, tons of beads, and Middle Eastern art on the walls. But it also came with dumb ass servers. I ordered something, can't remember what exactly. I remember that it was something cold and in my stupid mind I thought "Hey, this sounds good, it might be better with cheese!" Here is an almost verbatim transcript of what happened between me and the server:
Me: Hey I want to get (whatever I ordered), but I can I get that with cheese?
Server: Cheese?
Me: Yeah, just add cheese onto it.
Server: I don't even think that we have cheese.
Me: Well, if you don't it's okay...
Server: I'll check in the back.
Every answer the server gave me was complete with sass and bitchiness. So after awhile, we get our food and we're eating and it's okay. I notice that I don't have cheese on my thingy that I'm eating, but my friends fiance DOES. Her food came with cheese. So to sum up the events so far: 1. I asked for cheese 2. Server looks at me like I'm some sort of weirdo 3. I don't get cheese 4. My friends fiance gets cheese.
So when it comes time to pay the bill and tip, things become interesting. She sees that we are done for awhile but doesn't come over, then when she does makes a stink because we want to pay dutch and then proceeds to take her sweet ass time ringing us up despite the fact that she has a total of 1 table: us. So I give her virtually no tip and then leave, without getting my god damn cheese.
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