Roommate Rants Vol. 2

It's been awhile since I discussed anything on this contraption, but you know, life kind of got in the way. Well here's what I got today, enjoy.

My last entry was about my crazy roommate, and guess what? So is this one!!!!

It's been a few months and there has been a stockpile of crazy that has gathered up. Here's some of the gems that this lunatic has given me.

As I mentioned previously, she talks to her cats. And not like a normal person talks to their pets. Here are some of the weird things I've heard her say as of late...

Example 1: "What? What are you gonna do? I'm 230 pounds and you're 15 pounds!"

Example 2: "Get. Go one get.....You want one right between the eyes?!"

Example 3: "Oh so you don't like the new litter box I gave you? I can tell because you shit on my sheets. Thanks for that you asshole."

Amazing no? Just for those keeping score. She challenged a CAT to a fight. TWICE.

I mentioned previously at length how she fancy's herself a culinary wizard, when in reality she is barely qualified to operate a can opener. Over the holidays, I came home to find literally, boxes of brussel sprouts all over the house. On New Years eve my girlfriend and I had already planned to go out, but on the way home I saw this crazy person on the street and she stops me to say: "Hey...um you can't use the kitchen tonight (insert crazy smile). I'm cooking brussel sprouts. But I'll pay you to go out for dinner (which she of course never did)." That same night we came back to my place for awhile and saw the absolute disaster area that was the kitchen. Brussel sprouts EVERYWHERE. The sink, the counters, on top of the microwave, the stove, the floor...EVERYWHERE. Did I mention that she does this thing where she starts working on something, leaves food out and forgets about it for days on end. Completely uncovered. Anyways it took her days to clean up that mess. And when she did start doing something with it, it smelled like she was boiling garbage, farts, and shit all at once.

My favorite thing she does, is that she washes the counters with bleach. And I'm pretty confident it's undiluted bleach. Which might seriously explain why she's so fucked in the head. She's probably ingested gallons of bleach through all that nasty ass food she makes.

For the longest time I had always been telling my girlfriend about the messed up things this lunatic says, she always thought they were funny, but she never realized how truly crazy they were until she heard them first hand. Here are some of the gems that my girlfriend has heard.

Example 1: "Whew, who am I going to make out with tonight. Maybe Josh? No not Josh."

Example 2: "I think I should go knock on Joshua's door, see if he wants to have fun."

Example 3: "Oh man, I need a tampon. A super thick one, I'm having a heavy flow kind of day."

Example 4: "Oh jeez, my thighs are seriously chaffing from rubbing together."

G.R.O.S.S.

Well, adios. Until next time.

It's Not the NFL Hall of Fame Damn It!!!!

It says PRO FOOTBALL, not NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

I'm sure that no one who stumbles across this might know, but I LOVE football. American football, that is, not Futball (I don't give two stinky damns about "the world's game"). But one thing I have some issues with are the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Some of the voting procedures are lame, the people who they do or don't let in are lame, the people who vote; but the main thing is how totally biased against anyone who didn't spend a majority of their career, or earn most of their success in the NFL.
This hall of fame is not called the NFL Hall of Fame, it is called the Pro Football Hall of Fame. If you do some quick research online, you can find out that there have been dozens of professional football leagues, both for men and women, yet only the NFL gets the recognition. I totally get why they don't accept CFL'ers in as much (only two are in: Bud Grant and Warren Moon); BUT when you stop and look at the numbers 6 out of the top 10 all time passing leaders in pro football history played exclusively or a majority of their careers in the CFL, yet only one guy (Warren Moon) is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. What. The. Hell?
Now everyone knows that Eric Dickerson ran for 2,105 yards in 1984, and that my man Adrian Peterson ran for 2,097 this season (2012); but how many people know or recognize that the all time single season rushing record holder is actually Herschel Walker from 1985 with 2,411 yards? Probably not as many as their should be. Or even for that fact that despite only two Pro Bowls in his NFL career, when you combine his total professional yardage, he amassed over 13,000 yards. How does that not merit a bust in Canton?
I guess if you move past just records and all of that, you could just look at dudes who for some reason have not been included because of personal grudges. That in my opinion is extremely lame. Charles Haley might have been a dick, rude, and maybe borderline mean to people; but you know what? That dude has FIVE Super Bowl rings! You know how many other guys have five Super Bowl rings? Zero. Until Brett Favre broke his record, Jim Marshall started the most consecutive games for a non-kicker and that dude has not been inducted. Tim Brown, Cris Carter, Jerry Kramer, Andre Reed, Kevin Greene, etc... The list goes on and on.
I get why they don't let some offensive players in because they feel that some records have been broken so often, BUT some of those guys played at high enough levels for long periods of time. High enough that they still earned All Pro honors and Pro Bowl selections.
So in the long run, is this going to change anything? No. How many people will read this? Five. Six tops. But I still wanted to get that off my chest. It bugs the shit out of me. Just like the MVP award. Seriously, why not just say you're going to give it to only offensive players. I mean, how did Jared Allen not win that award OR the Defensive Player of the Year award????

(Signature) Signature

This one is rather short and to the point. This little diddy deals with signature guitars, specifically Les Pauls; so here it is. How can someone have a signature Les Paul? A Les Paul is a signature guitar named for yep you guessed, Sean Connery, I mean Les Paul. I mean, is there going to be a signature (insert famous guitar player's name) Dimebag Darrell guitar? No, because it's stupid. It's one thing to have a signature Stratocaster, that is just an existing NON signature guitar. A Les Paul is a god damn Les Paul.
I mentioned this to a former coworker who was a drummer and his response was: "Well, what about signature Vic Firth drumsticks?" My answer was simple: "It's completely different. Vic Firth is a guy and that's the name of his company, like Fender was Leo Fender's company or Marshall was Jim Marshall's company. Les Paul had a signature guitar through Gibson. It's already a signature guitar to begin with. It doesn't make sense."
There you have it, signature series anything, of an already existing anything doesn't make sense.