Movies For D-Bags Part II

Man, I am getting super lazy with this thing...

Well, I've had this idea of following up my world famous Movies For D-Bags entry with an appropriately titled sequel. And here it goes!

So in the last entry of this I "profiled" The Boondock Saints, well for this new entry I am going to cover The Hangover.

Much like The Boondock Saints, this is one of those movies where I like it less each time I see it. The idea of watching it, annoys me. Really. Just the idea of watching this movie annoys the shit out of me. I mean it's funny, don't get me wrong. I laugh every time I see it, but if I can help it I try not to watch it.
Just like before, one of the more annoying aspects of this movie is the people who watch it and quote it. It's usually turd bomb frat guys, dumb skanks, or just ra-tards (see what I did there?). I knew that I was going to become irritated with this thing when it came out. A coworker of mine at the time kept going on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on about how funny it was. How his roommates and him had seen it easily a dozen times, within the first few weeks of its release. So I saw it with the Mrs. and we enjoyed it. As time went on the pendulum swung the other way though. The characters are annoying, and some of the actors are dumb asses as well. To top it off, they made the sequel which is the same thing in another country, AND they are making a third one!

Thus concludes another meandering, directionless rant.

See you all at the next (insert theme music) Movies For D-Bags!

Office Tales

A few weeks ago I wrapped up my summer job. I won't say where, although if you come to San Francisco there are multiple locations and it's a great way to get some exercise and see the city at the same time. So, what I gonna do is jot down a few of the funnier things that I heard/saw during the three months I worked there. So enjoy, or not.

In no particular order...

1. Two women came in and one of them pulls me aside to ask if Alcatraz was "real". I had no idea what she meant and neither did her friend. She was dead serious and apparently thought that Alcatraz was not really sitting out in the bay.

2. It was my turn to clean the bathroom. This Irish guy who worked there asked if he could go real fast. I said sure. Now in this bathroom there was the door and like a stall door, even though there was one toilet. I left and he shut the stall door leaving the bathroom door open. Then proceeded to take a massive shit and stink up the whole joint.

3. I was walking back from Walgreens on my break one day and I saw Jon Gruden. He is very short.

4. This French guy and girl came in to work. I gave them directions to the Golden Gate Bridge, but was distracted by the French girl's immense mustache. It was like watching a car accident. I couldn't look away.

5. This crackhead came into the store and was just walking around. One of the Supervisor guy's asks him what he is doing. Crackhead says nothing. Supervisor says to him: "Why don't you follow me, we're gonna take a look at something..." They walk out and then Supervisor turns around and walks back in. Crackhead stops and says: "...why...why you gotta treat me like I'm...I'm a turd. I'm not a turd. You're a god damn turd!"

6. A coworker friend of mine saw a hobo take a shit on the sidewalk. Corn hole, balls, shit and everything. Then he proceeded to wipe.

7. On my last day of work, one of the girls didn't show up. Turns out she crashed an electric bike into a metal gate and broke her god damn teeth. They strangely seemed to break symmetrically.

8. Lastly, this crazy ass guy was chasing someone down the street threatening him with a taser; for easily 20 minutes. My boss calls the cops and the crazy guy tries to jump on the bus to get away. Next thing you know 5, yes FIVE cop cars show up. They get the guy and then proceed to play with the taser for another 15 minutes.

Mysteries of Craigslist

Craigslist is a very interesting thing, for lack of a better more creative description. On one hand you have people who legitimately want to sell, trade, or just get rid of shit. On the other hand you have the rest of the internet. Those people either want to low ball the hell out of you, say they want to acquire said item from you and then never follow through, and then you have the scammers.
As of this being written (August 27th) I'm selling a few items. Items which are not necessarily highly sought after or rare items, but at the same time they aren't chunks of peanutty shit. I know what they are worth, yet the only real responses are from said people I have mentioned. The items that I have online are musical items, and I guess what might put people off is the fact that a) I worked in a music store for 4 years and know how to evaluate these things and b) I own Blue Books that have prices in them.
I'm not sure what drives people to be turds regarding things like this. People like me aren't trying to "rip" others off, yet we don't want to just give it away. One of the funniest instances/experiences I had with someone on Craigslist dealt with someone who actually came to my house to check out what I was selling. This person loved what I was selling, but tried to haggle with me on price because she was able to buy some similar item (it was MUCH lower quality) for less. I explained to her what the deal was regarding Blue Book pricing & knowing what I was talking about. She then said she would have to think about it and left. Mind you she traveled an hour, one way at night to come see what I had, then proceeded to leave.
All I am trying to do along with thousands of others, is get rid of some stuff without taking a bath on it. I fail to understand how the rest of the internet community does not comprehend this.

...somewhat related to this, I made a book about spotting Craigslist scammers, as I have become tired of dealing with them.

Batman Bitches

In the spirit of The Dark Knight Rises, I offer this; how much ass would it suck to live in Gotham City?

This is supposedly one of the biggest, if not the biggest city in the world, yet it's a gigantic toilet that is kept alive merely by one guy and the legacy of his family. That guy also doubles as Batman; depending on which set of Batman movies you are watching, it varies on how much he loathes: himself, what he does, his city, etc... and questions all of the above and more.
Next, how could ONE city have so many god damn super villains?! Think about it; in this one city lives: The Joker, Bane, Catwoman, Harvey Two-Face, Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, Mr. Freeze, Clayface, The Penguin, and Scarecrow (among others as well). Seriously. How much fucking ass would that suck? Everywhere you turn there is all these lunatics running around causing various types of mayhem and crime. Yet these people still live there.
On top of that, why doesn't the government ever intervene with this? I mean not until this last movie was there ever any indication of government assistance. What the hell man. Crimes of all sorts; theft of various natures, bomb threats, hostage situations, destroying buildings and structures, chemical threats, etc.. What is the big god damn hold up here?

Okay enough of this half thought out bullshit. Good movies though, except Batman & Robin that is.

Going Deep...Again

Some strange things have occurred as of late. By this I am referring to my artistic pursuits. For as long as I had been making art (a good chunk of my life), I had been pooped on by various instructors and developed a pretty good sized inferiority complex regarding my work, themes, and general abilities. Not that I have over come all of that stuff, even though it's easy to say "hey get over it". BUT a few months ago, I passed with flying colors my Midpoint Presentation; which is me pitching my thesis to a panel of instructors. Then I entered a shit ton of prints and one of my books into the spring show. None of my prints got in and I was super bummed (only like 3 people got a total of 8 pieces in which was fucked up if you ask me), but my book got in! Not only did it get in, but I won my category and got a nice prize for it as well.

Fast forward about 1 month later...

I display my work on a ton of internet sites, some you can buy reproductions others the originals (if anyone who reads this is interested feel free to inquire!) Well, low and behold I am at work and I get a notification that someone bought one of my pieces as a greeting card. That blew my god damn mind! Granted I got like no money from it, but still. A few weeks later, I get a notification that someone was (and might still be) interested in acquiring some of my work. That was awesome as well.
The most recent event occurred when I again signed up for some site to display my work. I had to have my work/profile approved and I hadn't heard back for a few days. Out of the blue I get a phone call from the woman (who was super cool) runs the organization; she tells me how much she loves my work and offers me to be in a show. That again, was super awesome!
I could be jinxing myself here, but to me it feels like I have turned a corner almost. I'm getting respect from peers, and those above me regarding my work. It's a great feeling and it makes me want to bigger and better pieces; prints and books.

P.S. This is like the one time a year I go serious and deep with this blog. For reals, cause this is One Terrible Blog after all.

Stay tuned for more terribleness...

Public Encounters Volume 1

Normally when I go out on Muni (San Francisco public transportation), I wear headphones. Mostly so I don't have to listen to the throngs of people and their borderline retarded conversations. Although, the other day I was on the bus with my lady as we were headed to the vet and naturally since I was with her, I didn't wear any headphones. What I heard was awesomeness. Pure awesomeness. The "conversation" in question was between a super aging skateboarder, a hippy pot smoker, and his drugged out girlfriend who was BARELY awake and taking.

HPS: Dude, you know who is the best bass player ever?

ASB: Oh man, I'm an old metal head, so Cliff Burton is the man for me.

HPS: Uh....who?

ASB: He was the original bass player for Metallica. All of their early songs were structured for him.

DOG: .......picnic.....fries....

HPS: Oh he's the guy who died right? What about Les Claypool? Or Flea?

ASB: (mocks air bass playing) Nah, man those guys are all technique....here's my stop...

DOG: .....I GOTTA GO....

The other part to this entry is as follows. I recently started a job (yay?!). I won't say where, but I meet people from all over the country/world/universe everyday. It's really cool, meeting these people. Every once in awhile though, I meet some real dumbasses. Here's what happened between 2 women and myself.

Me: How long are you guys in town?

Lady 1: Oh just a few days. We thought we'd check out some of the sites in the city.

Me: Oh that's great! You gonna see Alcatraz? It's really cool!

Lady 1: I'd like to. I have to see what she thinks (points to Lady 2).

Lady 2: What's up?

Lady 1: He asked if we were going to go to Alcatraz...

Lady 2: Is that fake? It can't be real?

Me: What?

Lady 1: She is always skeptical...

Lady 2: It can't be real...

In summation; this lady (Lady 2) THINKS that Alcatraz is fake. The island, the prison, the documentation, the history, etc...is all FAKE.

What the hell?

(Signature) Signature

This one is rather short and to the point. This little diddy deals with signature guitars, specifically Les Pauls; so here it is. How can someone have a signature Les Paul? A Les Paul is a signature guitar named for yep you guessed, Sean Connery, I mean Les Paul. I mean, is there going to be a signature (insert famous guitar player's name) Dimebag Darrell guitar? No, because it's stupid. It's one thing to have a signature Stratocaster, that is just an existing NON signature guitar. A Les Paul is a god damn Les Paul.
I mentioned this to a former coworker who was a drummer and his response was: "Well, what about signature Vic Firth drumsticks?" My answer was simple: "It's completely different. Vic Firth is a guy and that's the name of his company, like Fender was Leo Fender's company or Marshall was Jim Marshall's company. Les Paul had a signature guitar through Gibson. It's already a signature guitar to begin with. It doesn't make sense."
There you have it, signature series anything, of an already existing anything doesn't make sense.